Church service today left me feeling that there was an inner peace within myself.
God's blessings have already been given to his children. While it may seem ridiculous at times; while it may seem that he is asking us to do the impossible after actualization and thinking through it, yet if we to obey and be faithful, we will receive HIS blessings. I have guilt in my heart that I sometimes wonder will God forgive me for. However, Dr. Prince Guneratnam says that God has already forgiven us for the things that we have sinned against the Lord. I sometimes ask myself through my prayer to forgive me for this and that. But sometimes I end up thinking God won't really forgive me as I am not worth it. Yet, God will always lift up my head...Jars of Clay...
I need to cut down on my expenditure on books. It seems that I have over-spent on them as I was doing my monthly calculation on my July's expenses. Well, hopefully my House of Blue Mangoes will last me for a while...
Booking in today... the life of an army boy...
Had to go for my dental appointment in the morning. That means I had to wake up pretty early on a Saturday morning. The same routine checks on my braces on my upper jaw and not forgetting the glamour shots taken of my beautiful set of teeth for compilation purposes. 15 minutes...that's all I took to waltz in and out of the room. Ate lunch at Da Pai Dang at Thomson Plaza. I used to come here every Saturday for my Music Lessons at Yamaha. I remembered I was taking Grade 5 lessons [the lowest grade I think] there under the Yamaha syllabus. In Yamaha, unlike ABRSM, students start from Grade 8 and work downwards to Grade 5. Sometimes I wonder, what a waste it was to stop at Grade 8 for my piano. If only time permitted and if I didn't have to wear a particular green uniform, I would most definitely have gone for the diploma in Music Teaching. Even my piano teacher thought that it was a waste. This happens when you start something a little late in life... Met Greg at 4.30pm instead of 4pm as I was late again. Walked around Orchard and chatted along the way. Life in Singapore is sometimes quite boring. Most people only throng the roads of Orchard and just hibernate there. Ate dinner at Sushi Tei at Paragon...yup back where I left off. The place was quite crowded. We waited for at least 30 minutes before we got a place. The waitress who served me was kind of funny. But I summed it up in just one word. Stress. Guess what I received today... My Debit Mini came today. Can't wait to use it. Use it wisely of course. Extremely exhausted...till some other time...
My mum, uncle and I wanted to eat our breakfast at Market Street because my orthodontist recommended that place to us. However, we couldn't really find the place with all the food he told us so we went Lau Pa Sak to eat instead. Wrong Choice! There weren't many stalls opened at that time and the place does look rather old. Bought soya bean and coffee. I became an interpreter for the drink seller instead because she couldn't understand English. Misunderstanding between the two people. The Indian customer wanted his bill to reflect something else other than cigarettes which he purchased for 9 dollars. The drink seller was reluctant to do so. This is downright fraud... Besides, the attitude of the Indian man was really bad. What a way to begin a morning... not forgetting the pulling tension of the wires in my mouth...
That's my new phone. Motorola E398. Bought it at M1 in Paragon. Finally no more knocking my phone on my palm twice just to switch it on or off. The sales personnel provided pretty excellent service. At the very least, he was quite patient in explaining the uses of this phone to me... My uncle and sister got a new phone each too. Spent over a thousand on just phones... My mum started to enter into another one of her 'Importance of saving money' lectures again. Yet it was she who dragged me down to buy a new phone...
Finally, my mum will have one less thing to nag at me. I have finished my personal statement for my UCAS application and I like what I have written as it came somewhat naturally from within me despite the fact that that painful process took nearly two hours. Life is just so ironical.
I remembered that last year while in the midst of preparation for my Prelims, I was also doing the same thing in my room. However, then, I was writing a personal statement to apply for a place to read Law in UK. I received some very good offers such as an unconditional offer of acceptance from the London School of Economics and Political Science which is rather highly ranked in UK. Coming from an average-income family, there was no way that I would be able to financially support myself in UK. I needed a scholarship to do so. It is quite agonising sometimes because most scholarship boards or agencies in Singapore are not essentially comfortable with the idea of giving out a scholarship for their scholar to read Law. I remembered that Greg was bombarded by the SIA panel and sort of rejected in the face by them when he applied for an SIA Undergraduate Scholarship to read Law in UK. The only scholarship I knew that would allow me to read Law in UK would be none other than a PSC scholarship. But...I ain't that fortunate.
This year, I am writing another personal statement to read Chemistry. Putting the UK rankings aside, I hope to be able to enter Imperial College as most of my friends highly recommend it too. Teaching has no really crossed my mind before but has been one of the weird things I am quite good at. In both my PHS and NJ years, I was the chemistry 'helpdesk' to my classmates and sometimes it was quite weird because I remembered Thiam Hoew my NJ classmate telling me one day that 'my Chemistry for 2 years was all taught by you' Mixed reactions to that statement I had. Another attempt at Yoda... an MOE Teaching Scholar...something that I would never believe I would become...God's plans? Maybe.
What does God want for you? Often times people get really carried away with their own plans that they tend to put God one side and relegate him to a place of less importance. Atheistic people would naturally subscribe to believing in their forecasting their own plans for the future. But as believers of Christ, shouldn't we lift up God's name in everything that we do even in our plans just as how we always say 'God, I praise you' in church.
I went out...actually can't really consider it as went out as if you 'went out' with someone it means that you had arranged to meet with that person...I met with Andrea and Gavin at Jurong Point last night. It was purely an unintended yet intended coincidence that we met. Gavin is her friend who watched The Island with her at night after we ate dinner. Jealous! Me! Nah...though I wear green everyday...hmm... It was kind of weird because Gavin was rather on the bit of the touchy side...not to Andrea but to me. Gasps!!! Yup I can hear it... He would...I shouldn't use the word stroke but briefly glide his hands against my back to tell me which direction we ought to go even though I can see where we are going and he knows that too. A guy complementing another guy on his nice and smooth complexion [that's my complexion he was complementing on] especially when you are in the army...I really don't wish to comment more on how a person's heart can choose to flutter to which direction... Sometimes i also don't know whether Andrea is dropping hints at me or not... the questionable questions that yield no simple answers...Love can never be as simple as 1+1=2...
Today, I was in the signal store doing re-installation of a server because some person, some guy has to be a guy, did such a bad job that error messages popped out everywhere and everything took so long to start up... Why can't people just complete a task properly and just do it once...
Booked out at 5.00pm today and waited for 30 minutes for the first shuttle bus to come. Came home ate a very oily yet scrumptious dinner that my mum bought from Alexander Village...nice food there actually...
Tired...sleepy...such an inviting bed that I have...till another time
The warm and inviting sunshine slowly enveloped my entire room. Slowly yet unwillingly I woke up and heard my alarm clock say 6.45am. I rubbed my eyes...rubbed them some more, gave a loud and somewhat barbaric yawn you may say, then went back to my warm cosy bed and slept some more. It was a Monday nonetheless but it was a Monday with so much of a difference from other Mondays. It was a Monday where I knew deep down from the bottom of my heart that I would not need to do any kinds of s*it job especially for a certain gorilla. The Monday blues just past by quietly and gracefully...
Ate brunch at around 11.00am. Cooked whatever that I could find in my fridge. Today was one of those days where you just know that the last thing you would want to do would be to step out of your house and do something. Today was one of those days where you just wanted to do nothing...absolutely nothing at all. Yet deep down inside your hearts, you knew that your conscience would prick if you actually did nothing at all. Sometimes I just wished that life was much simpler. Minus all that hassle about keeping up with society’s pace and embracing the new challenges of what society throws at us...sometimes I just imagine what life would be if I were say a simple farmer's boy living on a small little farm where everything I grow is more than sufficient to meet my daily needs...yet isn't it ironical that while people who are living in less developed countries are striving towards a life of affluence and status in developed countries, people living in developed countries are actually hoping for the direct opposite. Paradoxical.
Spent the day at home since my mum forbade me to leave the house especially since I had just recovered from a fever the day before. Yet I think I recovered from my fever my eating all that fried and spicy stuff that my uncle fed me at his house yesterday for dinner. Anyhow, I stayed at home so as not to further aggravate matters at home.
Sometimes I am just so tired of all these quarrels that my sister and my mum are having at home. I feel like completely shutting myself from all these nonsensical arguments but it's quite impossible to do so. I have though taken a stepped back in all these arguments. Am I doing the right thing? The answer ain't just a simple yes or no. There's more than it meets the eye...
Dinner was late as my mum was caught in a traffic jam. Trudged back to camp...the same old stuff again...
Woke up feeling exceptionally weak and cold. Although breakfast tasted scrumptious like always, I just didn't have the appetite for it. I ate very little food. Then went back to bed. Missed church as a result. Oh no!!! Woke up with a temperature of 37.50c... Subsided after 2 panadol pills.
Met Eugene at a bus stop. He is now at Mandai Hill Camp. I went there on Wednesday to do some presentation. It was a success. The place was at least much better than Stagmont Camp where they made me stand for at least 10 hours as they couldn't provide chairs for us to sit. Midget was grumbling as long as he stood... that would actually mean the whole entire day...Anyway Eugene was telling me about his life at his camp and how he is still treated like a trainee though he has already completed his course... The unfair life...
Went to my uncle's house to celebrate my cousin's birthday. He's 9 years old today. Looking back...I think my birthdays were always very quiet affairs and somewhat unimportant... I think Winston, my BMT bunk mate, also stays in the same block just 2 floors above my uncle's unit...Ate, watched TV, ate some more, left...
While walking out to catch a cab, my mum sort of forgot that I am already 18years old. She thinks I will turn 18 this year... yup... even my mum...
Came home and had to talk to my sister about her work and stuff... The kind of talk an older brother would give to a younger sister...
Tired...dead beat...on off tomorrow also... wonder what I should do with it...
Called UOB Yishun Branch this morning and asked whether can I change the name that will appear on my cards... too much work apparently so I dropped the idea. Anyway my name sounds nice either way you put it...I laughed at my silliness The Island was one of the better movies I have watched this year. Apart from Scarlett Johansson of course... It was science-fiction, action-packed and moral ethics all combined into one movie. It raised certain thought-provoking questions especially about stem-cell research and the true essence of life...and oh yes..."this tongue thing is so great"... Went Kino to buy a gift for someone...going to do something to this gift to personalise it a bit and add my deepest most thoughts into it as well... yup...for a special someone... Came home...tired... listened to perfect 10 for a while...shut my eyes...
Went for a tea session at PHS today. Didn't really know what to expect. The last time I stepped into PHS was when I was in Year 1 at NJC to help out with the debate team. I remembered at some point in time, I was coaching the team and I unknowingly became their debate mentor. I remembered I spent hours and late nights trying to help edit their debate speech and trying to convince them of other perspectives that they have overlooked. Sometimes, I felt that I was overworked and my presence there was not at all appreciated. When they finally became the Champion of the 'C' Division in the Julia Gabriel Debating Championship, they showed an immense amount of gratitude to an ex-NJ debater whom someone roped in at the last minute to help the team. I took it in great stride...naturally. I felt used and somewhat relegated to another by-stander, another spectator trying to bask in this moment of glory. Why bother about what you have sowed, when ultimately you know that you will definitely reap from what you have sowed...
The tea session coincided with their annual Food and Fun Fair. Apparently, the school needs to cough out another 1.2million dollars by 2013 [gasps] or otherwise face the possibility of having to relocate or close down since my school is sitting on prime land. The purpose of this tea session was to help PHS build a strong alumni..."strengthening and uniting of the PHS community" One of the teachers even thought I was still studying...It was a rather awkward moment for me as I never did think that I would be remembered for my contributions to the school. Two great years in ELDDS. Was the president of ELDDS. The turning point for ELDDS, I guess, was our first victory in some National Law Quiz when I was secondary 3... My eyes were a little damped as I looked at the trophy that was still sitting proudly at the gallery near the school administration office. Those moments...those unforgettable moments...
Miss Yeo became my spokesperson-cum-tour guide. Apparently she has been marketing my name to her many students... maybe it was the things I managed to accomplish within and outside PHS that made me somewhat a different student... I was the first student to enter NJC and the first to also receive a highly sought after scholarship... academic success in her definition I guess... But the journey doesn't end here...
Met up with Mrs Nath. She was my secondary two form teacher and was my English and literature teacher. I remembered and she too remembered that I was such a timid and diffident boy trying to make his presence known to others and trying to find his purpose in life. Seeing the more confident and more assertive me today... she..."you have grown into a fine young person"
Great to have seen people like Shanbing and Isaac again... the naive and innocent us when we were still in secondary school...The fun we had...the smiles we brought to our teachers...the not-so-typical top class of the level...the camaraderie we had...the camaraderie we still have...
Left about 2pm and headed to cine for a movie. Tossed between Fantastic Four or The Island. I guess it was partly due to the movie's timing, I chose The Island... 
Finally decided to leave my house and go somewhere... anywhere will do. The irony of 'the customer is always right' in the commercial world. You know I thought the one perfect place where the customer is treated with some decent respect would be a bank but hey...I was wrong.
POSB is somewhat like a people's bank and everyone especially the older generation in Singapore would definitely have great trust and confidence in the service provided by POSB. Not withstanding the long wait at the counter, I was also insulted by one of the bank's staff.
POSB staff: so albert what do you want? [Sounded as though I owed her tons and tons of money]
me: erm... I would like to withdraw some money.
POSB staff: okay... pass me your bank book. You have your IC with you? [why that demanding tone?]
me: Yup...here it is [passed my green card to her]
POSB staff: woah...after so long and this is your first withdrawal ah. [with an insulting tone]
me: [like what's got keeping all my money in the bank and SAVING it got to do with you.] I just smiled at her.
POSB staff: Here's your money and would you like to do a survey for me?
me: [I felt like ripping the paper in front of her in sheer exasperation] okay...grudgingly ticked the boxes and gave my not-so-honest answers.
I left POSB with a faint heart. I wondered maybe it was 3.30pm and hence the attitude. But even so, how could such a reputable bank treat such poor unsuspecting customers like that.
UOB was a walk away.
The staff there were amicable and cordial. Even before I pressed the button to open a new account, one of their staff already approached me. Their staff answered all my queries with professionalism and had this motherly approach towards me. Maybe because there weren't that many customers at that time but still... The staff who attended to me even doubted whether was I 18 years old. Hello... I am 18+ already... I am serving...well forcefully serving against my own will... the army by wearing some green uniform.
Bought my farmhouse fresh milk...just love drinking it! I remembered asking for fresh milk on my return trip from Taiwan to Singapore! I think I stunned the air stewardess... the irritating air stewardess...
Ate pizza for dinner at home with my mum and sister. Somehow this pizza tasted exceptionally tasty. Perhaps it was because of the company that I was in and also maybe I haven't had one for a very long time... Like I say...flour + water = a full stomach... a lovely dinner nevertheless...
Tired...sleepy...time to put my new cd player to good use...
It is strange how the mechanics of things work yet however fasinated we may be, we never really do stop for one moment, pause for a little second, and look at our surroundings with a different perspective. Rushing to meet deadlines and fulfilling promises that we hope not to make empty... sometimes I just feel like dropping everything that I have right now and do the things I really want to do, not bothered by the stares and glares that people would have on me.
Today is my off day. Usually, I would have a number of things planned beforehand on what I would do on such days. Today was an exception. I wanted to be spontaneous and a little carefree. I didn't want to religiously follow something too structured such that any fun that I would have, would ultimately be somewhat a make-believed one. Ironic.
My mum asked me whether I wanted to go for my church's youth service tonight. I said no. Perhaps it is because of one really bad experience with my previous church's youth service that I am reluctant to embrace another youth service. Besides, I ain't that youthful anymore. The army has essentially sucked out any ounce of youth and vibrancy from their soldiers. Just look at any soldier on the streets. You see tired and somber faces. You see poignancy and a subtle cry for freedom inside their small little hearts. You see a lost in spirit and zest. The army's experience.
Love is like a drug. I wrote that in my Literature class when I was in Secondary Two when we were discussing about Love. I enjoyed literature lessons as it really brought out the character in me and the fervour for appreciation of true arts. I see one midget announcing to almost the whole world how wonderful he treats his girlfriend and how her girlfriend cherishes him. Some things are best kept secret. Some things are better off not said. While he thinks people love to hear his lala land stories, I on the other hand am not really that interested in him spinning endless tales about his personal relationships. I yearn to be in love someday. but I am somewhat hesitant. Perhaps it is because of how the relationships that I have seen around me didn't really end happily ever after, that results in this reluctance on my side. I am interested in a person. But a cat has caught my tongue. It is sometimes agonising but yet I tend to have a feeling that both of us know how we feel towards each other but we both are just waiting and waiting until one day one of us just says something. The waiting game torments people.
My Half-Blood Prince arrived in the mail. Can't wait to start reading it... I remembered seeing one obese guy squeezing into a seat on the train just so that he could read his new Harry Potter Book that he purchased from Popular. He was fixed on what he was reading and couldn't care less about anything else. I think he would even beat up a person who irritates him. The sweet and pure addiction to successful writing. Or is it just another fad...
Anyhow...till later...
Found myself sleeping in a very awkward angle where my whole body laid parallel to the width of my bed. Sometimes I wonder whether am I a person who really doesn't like to stick with conventions and go with the norm. I like things to be different and somewhat unique but not to the extent of standing out for the wrong reasons.
Church was exciting and sought of gave me a deeper understanding of what seeking God really means. Today we really sang quite a number of songs during our worship...something different I guess. I guess just like everyone else I have aspirations, goals, dreams and visions for my future. Always and even till today, I have done things by my own ways and never really did pause for a second and ponder whether what I really want is what God really wants for me. "God speak to me" How? HE is not some mystical figure that phoofs out from out of nowhere... "it is when you least expect it" someone once told me before...it was Miss Marilyn Ang...my secondary four English teacher. A spiritually strong person who lifted up God's name in every decision she made...even when thinking about signing up for a membership to a country club.
Yesterday my mum and...offered to buy me my blue ipod mini at some Big warehouse at Habourfront...erm the warehouse is called Big. Well she asked me to think about it, and even wanted me to consider the 20GB ipod. But...I wanted to buy it on my own. Independent...maybe. But frankly speaking I didn't really have much assurance in this warehouse...and besides, they didn't sell the ipod accessories too... Anyway, she bought an mp3 cum thumbdrive from that bogus-unheard of shop and she has spent hours trying to figure out how to use that electronic thing she bought. I think she is still trying right now...my relentless mother...
Booking in tonight...the same old mundane things again.
...to the deaR enginners who had to make me come back to camp on my precious saturday...please finish your work as soon as possible... [read: 3pm = impossible...arrgh!!!]
...sitting in front of a computer in my office, aimlessly looking for things to do...hmm..."I want things to do", I wonder... the thought of why not a blog came to my mind...tHe iRony of Life...
Things ain't always what you want them to be. We tend to want the best, yet more often than not, we encounter the worst. always look on the bright side of life...[me to my brain: stop singing that in my head....oh no....not again!!!]
The sadistic life of a men in the army. We get all the s*it jobs and we don't even get a single gratitude or simple "thanks". I wonder do arcs and slanted or straight lines wipe off any resemblance of a humane nature in these people. At the very least, one particular gorilla fits that description. The agony and nerve of such a...nincompoop..
The past and the history ought to remain at where you left off from it. Brooding will only let the past continue to haunt you forevermore. Let go. Forgive. Pray.
...I am Albert...and I sTanD for what I am...