Here's a little note to my commanders:
When you say that you are coming for work today, especially on the last working day of the year, please keep to your word. Otherwise, it is actually pointless for the entire unit to be waiting for you and you alone.
I met Lionel, Ee Xuan and Andrea today at Food Republic. I was supposed to meet them at 5pm but because of a late book-out and an over-zealous Zara Fan Jacob is, I failed to hitch a ride from him. Actually, he failed to wait for me. Ended up, I only managed to meet them at 7.10pm. I was extremely late. I was so flustered.
Anyhow, I spent 10 dollars on Tim Sum. Just 3 baskets of Tim Sum! The price of the food there is somewhat exorbitant. I was supposed to treat them to drinks but they chose desert instead declined my offer to pay for them.
We sat at one of the longer tables. Just the four of us. There were two couples, a husband and wife and a mother and her baby, both unknowingly waiting for our table. Things got a little ugly and the husband even harassed me to force me to take a side and choose who I wish to offer the table to after we are done. Lionel was so pissed off with the man. I almost shaft my Prawn Dumpling into the man's mouth for disturbing my dinner. It's your business and your wife's business. If you cannot get a seat for your wife then blame it on your inability and don't expect the diner to take sides. I just want a peaceful meal. Don't piss me off! Let me eat in peace.
We left. The situation was resolved. Both couples took half the table. The audacity of some people.
I am surprised that Kino doesn't have the Complete Chronicles of Narnia with the lion face as it's cover. I am talking about the book which I saw at Borders which cost about $38.75 I think. I should have bought it the other day rather then deliberate, especially since I had a 30% discount on any full price book. Now, I may have to go back to Borders and check it out again. I surprise myself sometimes.
I want to go for the chocolate buffet at One Fullerton. I am so eagerly anticipating the chocolate fondue and everything sweet. Imagine a walk down the esplanade after dinner. Ain't that a lovely evening...hmm...
I want to learn how to play tennis. I figured that after trying for so many sports, I think racket sports are more my kind of thing. I need someone out there to teach me. However, be prepared for the ball to hit everywhere else but back to you or if it does, just dodge it as I don't want to hurt you. Guess, that's the price of having to teach me...hee...
till later...
I am going to buy The Complete Chronicles of Narnia. I watched the movie last night with Bjorn at Plaza Singapura. Yup, the cinema with the lover seat. I quote Homer Simpson 'doh!'
The movie was interesting. The plot was rich with Christian themes. Aslan was the Bible's equivalent of Jesus. As I was watching the movie, a scripture text came into my mind. John 3:16 - For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
I had an incredible time talking about stuff with Bjorn. It was quite a while where I had a really no-holds-bar conversation with someone who really can understand what the other party is actually saying about.
Steamboat tonight. Can't wait...yummy!!! I quote Homer Simpson 'doh!'
Emotions... I liked the Destiny's Child version of Emotions. Lately, this song has been playing on my ipod and media player on my computer. Yes, it's a song about break-up. The broken-heartedness one would experience...the thoughts, the feelings, the emotions...
To a special someone, thank you for the special moments and the time spent. You deserve someone much better.
My wish for you, is to find someone whom you will love unconditionally and will embrace him in spite of the lies or broken promises.
Let's see what I bought for myself as my Christmas present.
- A grey PUMA jacket. A rather thick one that will definitely keep me warm on a really very cold night especially when I am in London for my studies. Apparently, it has been on the rack for less than a month and it's already sold out when I went to the shop today. To think, I bought the second last piece yesterday when I have been eyeing on it since two weeks ago.
- Two Freshbox T-shirts. There is just something about their shirts that grabs my attention. I like shirts that are not that fanciful and neither should they be too wild and bold with their colours and designs. I like it simple yet somewhat sophisticated in a very pleasing to the eye manner. It's a personal preference. That's why it is always difficult to buy clothes for me because I am quite particular about both the inner and outer design of the piece of clothing article.
- A pair of Sports sandals which my mum has been pestering me to buy ever since mine gave way in September. She banned me from buying another slipper ever since I bought my last from Project Bros Blood Shop. Thankfully, World of Sports was having a 20% discount because of the festive season. Otherwise, it would have cost me $70.00.
- The Broker by John Grisham. It's a John Grisham book. What's there to comment about it. I love reading his works. 30% discount from Borders because of the newspaper cutting from the LIFE section of The Straits Times. Sometimes, it's good to read the LIFE section rather than just the URBAN on Thursdays.
I spent a total of $551.50 on shopping and dining this month. $400 was the budget I am given by my relatives for just purely for my shopping. I spent the rest on dining, the bulk of it [$100] on a section gathering which they have paid me back and gifts for my sister, mother and friends. I feel like an emaciated Santa Claus.
It's church tomorrow and I am unusually excited about it. After watching the Christmas special on television by the Rock, I just have this urge to want to be part of a production for a significant event for God. If only my church had such productions...
To God be the Glory. Even wise men seek Jesus.
It's over and done
But the heartache lives on inside (yeah, yeah)
And who is the one you're clinging to
Instead of me tonight
And where are you now
Now that I need you
Tears on my pillow
Wherever you go, go
I'll cry me a river
That leads to your ocean
You'll never see me fall apart
In the words of a broken heart
It's just emotions, taking me over
Caught up in sorrow, lost in the song
But if you don't come back, come home to me darling
Don't you know, there's nobody left in this world to hold me tight
(Don't you know), there's nobody left in this worl to hold me tight
Good night, good night
Good night, good night
I'm there at your side
A part of all the things you are
But you have a part of someone else
You gotta go find your shining star
And where are you now?
Now that I need you
Tears on my pillow
Wherever you go, go
I'll cry me a river
That leads to your ocean
You'll never see me fall apart
In the words of a broken heart
It's just emotions, taking me over
Caught up in sorrow, lost in the song
But if you don't come back, come home to me darling
Don't you know, there's nobody left in this world to hold me tight
(Don't you know) there's nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight
Goodnight
Christmas is coming. It's the spirit of giving nonetheless. I had the privilege of buying my own Christmas gifts as my maternal aunts and uncles do not even have the slightest clue of what to buy for me.
When we are still young and small, we ask for toys. Then, toys would be our source of personal satisfaction and joy. Every toy that we received would bring an added happiness to the already joyous occasion. Yet, what does a 7 year old kid know about true happiness?
When we grow slightly older, we crave and yearn for the things other people have. The common things. The things which will make us blend in with the crowd that is also aimlessly trying to emulate others. What so ever happened to originality and personality. At 15 years old, we knew what was in fashion and what was not. We knew what looked great and most importantly cool. We just wanted to fit in. Fit in with the hearsay from others. Happiness would just so miraculously fall at our feet despite the innumerable hints that we have dropped to the people around us particularly near this festive season.
At 19 years old, we know what we really want. We know how we wish to project ourselves to others. We know the image we want. We know the true identity that we wish to portray. We found the true us. Happiness would be to have the closet things to our heart. Warmth, love...feelings and emotions. The people, the family, the friends, the company... the camaraderie.
We define ourselves. We are shaped by societal norms and standards. We are influenced by the perceptions of others. Perceptions, which are riddled by societal norms and standards which are deemed acceptable. But wait. What is acceptable and what is not? Who made that list? Definitely not Santa Claus.
In this spirit of giving and celebration, let us not be befuddled by the true meaning of Christmas. It's about forgiveness, love and most importantly a time where we remember what Jesus did on the cross for ALL Christians. Don't X Christmas. Don't make it X'mas. Make it for Christ. Make it a Christmas.
To my friends...have a Blessed Christmas...
I confess to thinking too much especially when it comes to relationships. Ironically speaking, my secondary three english teacher Mrs. Ang once wrote in my comprehension that I thought too much as a passing comment.
Thinking too much is essentially not a bad thing. However, when it leads to conflicts and quarrels, it becomes a bug that needs to be fixed. Thinking too much also shows your insecurity towards a person, an affection or even to a relationship per se. Thinking too much basically shows the lack of trust towards a person.
Idealistically, we should all ought to believe and accept what people say to you and just take them at face value. However, taking something at face value is not the antithesis of thinking too much. Neither is taking something at face value synonymous to naivete in thought. To really take something at face value would require us irrational human beings to accept what is being thrown at us without even a reasonable doubt. This is something which is quite a magnificent feat if one can accomplish it.
We are taught to question. We are made to ask, to think, to ponder and to doubt. It is our intrinsic nature. However, the extreme of such a nature would be to think too much.
'I am tired so I cannot meet you. I am really sorry.' [The 'I' meets his friend later in the day]
Thinking too much will lead to many uncalled for and unreasonable thoughts to hover above one's head. Thinking too much may even lead to fights, quarrels and even the end of a blossoming relationship.
To the person who thinks too much, he or she will not pause and think about the most logical and straight-forward thoughts. Rather, he or she would meander to many varied and non-sensical thoughts where he or she would then use as reasons for his stand in an imminent fight or quarrel.
NOT thinking too much will basically lead you to only one conclusion. The "I' had a long night yesterday and naturally the 'I' would feel tired. Simple. Ain't it?
People who think too much love to twist simplicity and has a weird fervour for complexity. Weird. Thinking too much and having depth in thought are two completely different scenarios. While the latter portrays the maturity of ones thought and mind, and would also show the many facades of a person's personality and character, the former only shows a person's childish behaviour which simply turns people off.
I think too much. Therefore it led to a very bad argument with someone today. I need to make amendments...so that I can turn a wrong from a right.
--------------------------- till later ----------------------------------
...storm clouds may gather,
...stars may collide,
...but i love you,
..until the end of time.
"I know you feel that it is your fault that the team loss. I also know that you have also loss hope too. Cheer up. It was no one's fault. It could have been Mabelline or Benjamin's fault. Be confident. Show others what you really have"
...Mei Fen, PHS Classmates for 4 years...
I was clearing and sorting out some stuff from my room today. Such an interesting way to spend my leave. I am proud of my less cluttered room at the very least.
I remembered I was a diffident and meek-looking boy when I was in secondary school. I often kept to myself and especially my feelings. It was one of my darkest moments in my life. Just looking at the nerdy me then made me embarrassed of myself. I couldn't help laughing...laughing quietly to myself.
The first debate was exceptionally daunting. I was full of nerves and I lost it. I blamed and reproached myself for the loss. I cried that night. For a couple of days, I embraced in self-pity and self-reproach. I almost gave up what would make me the person I am today.
I stand today, more confident and more independent then before. I am also more vocal about things and am not afraid to voice out my opinions in the most objective way possible. I simply hate mincing my words. Thank you Mei Fen.
Neighbourhood school or an Elite school. Which is better?
I came from Presbyterian High School. A neighbourhood school where the quality of education that one would receive there would somewhat pale in comparison to that of an elite school. Yet, it was also because of PHS, the ample opportunities for me to shine and be a well-polished stone, that mould me to become the person that I am today. While I may not like nor am in favour of the stigmatisation that comes along with students from neighbourhood schools, I am however fearful of the consequences of such a stigmatisation.
Someone asked me whether I would like to teach in a neighbourhood school or an elite one. I had no preference. Having accepted the MOE teaching scholarship, my friends have been constantly asking me for my views on certain groups of students and how I would respond to them.
I studied in National Junior College. I was a mediocre student and still am according to me. I was the only one from PHS in NJC for my year. Back to square one. Fortunately, I was in a class where which school I came from didn't really matter. At the very least, I topped the class for most of the tests for Further Mathematics. However, NJC was an elitist school. Most opportunities went to students who really excelled in their studies. It was one of the worst experience I had in an institution. Fortunately, I had a fun-loving class which tickled the funny bones of all our teachers.
NJC gave me an education where I was confident in myself and the school to produce the results. PHS gave me an education where I was confident that I would do well. The difference lies in a person's perception and train of thoughts. How important branding and stigmatisation is to you, will ultimately determine your point of focus and surprisingly your decisions too.
I seek for an education with a significant amount of quality. That is what I think matters most to me. As a teacher-to-be I wish to give my students an education that would mould them into independent and confident people with a great zest for life and it's challenges be it the institution they may come from.
---till later---
I am finally on leave. There are quite a lot of things I need to do. One of which I think would be shopping for stuff.
I have been watching Desperate Housewives season 1 on one of the VSAT laptops which Brian has no choice but to lend me. Brian is the VSAT PC. He is very nice to me. I am proud to say that I am addicted to Desperate Housewives. I almost felt like I became one of them...well sort of in a manner of speech... Apparently, the men in my unit has not done a single guard duty from June to August. Apparently. No wonder my RSM is so bent on keeping the compilation of points for the number of guard duties we have performed to himself. It is indeed nice to lock his room sometimes. You never know what you may just chance upon.
Suffering from a terrible headache. Woke up at 2.15am and popped another 4 panadol pills then went back to sleep. Perhaps anger was another factor that prolonged this bad headache.
Am I possessive? How do you define possessive? I am just insecure...more with myself.