9 years old, you were never around.
then, you chose not to be around.
10 years later, you are still never around.
now, I choose to not be around you.
9 years old, I was naive and misunderstood.
9 years old, I was the scorn in your eyes, the root of your perceived problems
9 years old, I thought what a life I had... an unfortunate one I said, softly to myself.
10 years later, I am independent and understanding.
10 years later, you became a meaningless subject, a passing topic.
10 years later, I think what a life I am living... a somewhat unfortunate one...perhaps.
what happened to my alacrity towards life, hope and all things optimistic?
what happened to that zest for the uncertainties of life?
what ever happened to all that fervour...the same exact fervour that made me who I am today.
puzzled - when it first happened
despondent - when it finally happened
fearful - after it finally happened
self-reproach - the beginning of after it finally happened
nonchalant - the today of after it finally happened
much is to be said about how you entered and left my life
your physical being may still hover around,
yet I find myself void of an emotional attachment to you.
shy
reserved
quiet
introverted
words people use to describe me.
words synonymous to me.
filled with love
engaging
optimistic
open
words I want people to use to describe me.
words that are antithetical to me.
as time passes,
wounds of the past will heal,
hopes of reconciliation will blossom,
broken relationships will rekindle.
perhaps I just happen to be the thorn among the roses of hope and healing.
perhaps that's why I hesitate when I want to embrace a relationship - the diffidence in me
perhaps that's why I feel alone and in solitude - the lonesome nights
perhaps the past still haunts me...even till today despite everything else - in spite of nonchalant
grateful - for the peace I have now
thankful - for the better and more fruitful life I am living in now
--- dedicated from me to you, you a figure that entered my life nineteen years ago...
