I am rather easily irked by people recently. Apparently, my threshold towards the taunting and irritation by others ain't exactly that high. I am having rather odd mood swings and it ain't healthy actually. What is happening to me? Where is that cool-headed personality and rational mind? What is happening to me?
Perhaps I need to be alone for a little while to sort my thoughts out and just be away from nay-sayers. Perhaps I need to distant myself from clicks and groups that so exist only for personal exoneration. I like things less complicated with no strings attached and hidden innuendos. While some call it sophistication, yet I call it a facade. Perhaps that's me.
I should look at things in a different perspective yet why should I be compelled to compromise my stand on issues which I don't see the need to. Why can't others learn that they too exist in this world with others and they should also learn to compromise too. It is just not them living in this ego-system also. Animals barbaric to the core.
Chill. Wonder who would actually say that to me? Ain't life paradoxical enough? Why make it less embracing and inviting when that power to decide lies in your very own hands? The choice lies in my hands I guess. Yet, explain why I saw the characters from Monsters Inc. doing the YMCA dance while I was in lala land? Is there actually coherence in what I am saying? Who cares? I suddenly feel a little like Jacintha from Singapore Idol. Whimsical. In a word, odd.
--- till later ---
Then, students carried long fake leather wallets with a pointed comb in their back pockets. It seemed as a rather odd and somewhat outlandish behaviour only restricted to the uncouth and vulgar. Yet, there were many followers of this fashion fad.
Small school bags that were carried high and tight to the body that left little space for anything else other than a few exercise books and a handphone charger or a cd player. It was another fad that left a rather lasting impression on many people.
Hair gelled to a shape of an M. Some even resorted to using hair bands to keep the M shape. The price to pay to keep up fashion fads is rather high. To think that males then would consider using facial wash as something sissy but using a hair band in public to maintain a fad is not. Ironical.
School bags carried low. That's something I enjoyed doing. Not that it gave me a new found identity but it was a way for me to express myself. Yet at the same time, I had always liked carrying my school bags low. It was just me.
Fashion fads are there for people who are insecure of their own identity to follow. While some fads are seemingly cool, yet the more important thing is to be able to find your own identity and be satisfied with your own image. It is no use replicating someone else when deep down, you know that the person you are trying to show others ain't exactly you.
Sometimes it takes more than a physical transformation to make you blend in with the crowd. Sometimes, you need a little sophistication too.
Am I a demanding person?
Do I expect others to be like me as well?
Do I actually demand the same expectations of what I have set for myself on others?
I am somewhat perplexed by this.
I have been told by people since when I was still in school that I have pretty high expectations for myself. Often times, I try to do things that exceed expectations however much to the chagrin of my classmates. To them, it was an outright portrayal of an over-competitive person who just wanted to be at the top. Yet, to me, it was just my way of showing others what I am actually capable of.
I have been somewhat cast aside by people within my paternal family. Often times, I feel that they are just putting on a facade to humour me for that moment and after that, everything returns to status quo. Perhaps it is because of their judgmental and superficial stance towards my mum, my sister and myself that ignited a rather odd flame within me to want to do something different.
I admit that I set pretty high expectations for myself. I also know that in many instances when I failed to meet them, I would mellow in a temporal state of self-reproach before working even harder. I tend to be rather hard on myself then on others.
Do my friends, I except them for who they are and learn to appreciate them. However, to my love ones, I tend to demand more from them. It almost seems that I expect them to be an exact replica of me, something which sounds profoundly ludicrous. Perhaps, I should learn to appreciate them for who they are rather then to think of ways to try and change them.
It is National Day today and Singapore turns 41. I wonder, what will I become when I turn 41?
Recently, I watched a programme on Channel News Asia that asked Singaporeans what made them a Singaporean. Some mentioned the food, some mentioned Singlish while others mentioned the multi-racial culture.
Personally, I felt that the producers chose clips that were rather stoic. I would have preferred answers like a conformist government system where people are compelled to make decisions that are politically correct, or a military defense system that is apparently a facade, or a society where people are somehow always in a rush and never appreciative of their surroundings. What happened to all these answers? Why were only the generic ones mentioned?
I am grateful and appreciative of living here in Singapore. In Singapore, everything seems to already be planned for for all of us. There is a government that takes a keen interest in the people and is also slowing accepting the idea of objective people's power. There is a society where people of different races and religion can live harmoniously with each other albeit the random inflammatory remarks made by individuals. More importantly, it is the very simple fact that we live in a peaceful nation.
--- till later ---
I bought three books today. Two of which are books which my mum has been forcing me to buy and read it. The lovely two books are Basic Theory of Driving and Advanced Theory of Driving.
I have this rather morbid fear of learning how to drive. I am afraid that I would crash the instructor's car on my first attempt at driving. Strangely morbid.
This week in camp has been absolutely boring and monotonous. I do absolutely nothing in camp and my back is hurting even more. I read up on some back strengthening exercises and tried them out last Monday in the gym in my camp. Perhaps I require more sessions.
Anyhow, things are indeed looking better. I have a few months more to go until I receive my pink card. Who says men don't love pink?
--- till later ---