I had my first driving lesson today and it was really interesting. I played with the accelerator, the brake and clutch which was initially intimidating as I actually drove round Ubi area many times, practising my turns and my pedal technique. I am getting the hang of driving but I need to constantly look at the mirrors and my blind spots because I tend to always look straight and neglect my blind spots when I turn.
My turning technique is still in the raw stages because I tend to either over-turn or turn too slowly. I guess it is a matter of practise for perfection. The instructor is very patient with me and he is always telling me that there is nothing to be afraid about driving which seemed rather difficult to appreciate as this is my first driving lesson. My gear technique needs some improvement as I tend to use the wrong technique.
It was fun actually, but I left the car with two wobbly legs. I just hope that the two cars, with the drivers taking their practical test, that I was sandwiched between passed their test and was not affected by my driving.
Thankfully, I did not crash the car. Well, not yet. But, I hope I will not.
What is a difference between a blog and a diary?
While the latter is something personal and maybe even kept as a secret, the formal is though personal but is tantamount to the scrutiny of the public view.
I asked myself this question recently when I was looking through some of my previous entries on psykedelic-slingsh0t. I wondered whether I felt relieved after I blogged about certain issues or did I consider the volatility of such a personal space that I held back on some issues which resulted in a status quo. I pondered over whether I wanted psykedelic-slingsh0t to be a read that lures people and tips the readership scales or one that is relatively unknown and kept within a close circle of friends. I deliberated over whether was I ever compelled to blog or did I ever find it a chore to blog.
A blog is your personal platform to say things that you really want to express in your nuances and maybe profanity. It is somewhat like narcissism in its finest. Yet, however much of a 'Me' that is emphasied in our own blogs, we need to understand that the basis of blogging is for one to express ones own thoughts and ideas seemingly with freedom. As the adage goes, everything has a price to it, so does this freedom of speech. The consequences of the abuse of this freedom, whether legitimately or not, are in some ways the complete antithesis of having a blog in the very first place. It seems that this freedom that we have ain't exactly without conditions.
There is a new programme by Channel News Asia called BlogTV and they have a website www.blogtv.com.sg which is worth clicking on to view on some of the comments made by people who wanted to leave a first impression.
This blog is a space for me to air my opinions. My own opinions. I am not here to garner the support of the general populace through my writing nor foray into the limelight. This is my platform to talk about things I am interested in talking about. I therefore, do not need unknown people and most certainly people who have suggestive ideas in their minds to tag their lewd comments in my tag box to mar the essence of this blog.
This is my personal space and seek a very simple respect of this personal space. A lack of will only showcase your self-centeredness and diminutive intellect. Furthermore, it speaks more on your repugnant character as a person and makes you even more repelling.
In short, buzz off!
There are times when things do not go your way. These moments are usually termed as dark moments. There is an old adage that speaks of a light at the end of the tunnel. It essentially speaks of a sense of direction for people to look towards and more so a glimmer of hope to hang on to. While this hope may be of the faintest light, yet it is because of this hope that many things that were once deemed as impossible are accomplished.
In these darkest hours, there are choices for you to make. A choice to lament. A choice to self-reproach. A choice to blame. A choice to preservers. You have choices, in fact many more choices than the ones listed here. Yet, are your choices made out of your own accord or were they made because of the influence of others? Yet, sometimes we have to make choices for the interest of others like your loved ones. Such choices may be termed as sacrifices but they still are ultimately choices you make.
When these moments of darkness have passed, you begin to reflect and ponder. The mind starts to wonder and think of the what ifs and possibilities. It is a rather cathartic effect. Can we really say that we live by our choices? Or are we just hypocrites to the inner core, painting a facade to others and more importantly to ourselves? Is that a choice we undertake or part of the intricate make-up of the human mind to protect and defend oneself?
Regrets. All of us have them.
Opportunity. All of us have them knocking at our door too.
Yet, it is only a fine thin line that separates the two.
Choices.
I changed my Tag Message Board today because the previous one was giving me problems. It kept asking me to log in to some panel which I had no clue of.
I paid $10 for a T-shirt with my unit logo on it but am not allowed to wear it outside because the unit logo is supposed to be kept classified. Hence my question of why design and force us to purchase it in the first place? I tell myself it is the army hence things work this way.
I paid $7 for a unit photo which I did not want to buy for the memories that I wish to bring along with me when I leave the unit are memories I wish to leave to moments of nostalgia and not something pictorial. Besides, wasn't there a discussion or a plan to give people who are going to ORD soon the photos as a form of appreciation for the hardwork and effort we have put in during our momentary stay here? I tell myself it is the army hence things work this way.
The haze is back, again. The Indonesian Government has realised, I hope, that its efforts to fight the recurring haze problem in our region is futile and needs to seek help from its neighbours. Unless a more viable economic option is introduced to the Indonesian farmers who resort to clearing the land through setting of fires, this haze issue will continue to be a regional problem.
---where is the view from my window...stumped---
This is the eleventh reason why I will NOT miss the army.
People who cannot keep their voices down at night when others are asleep with the lights on. Perhaps one fine day before I leave, I should switch on the lights at 5.30am and make a racket.
The sign read:
Today's special
50% off for all students
Add an additional $1 to upgrade to a set meal
which includes soup-of-the-day and bread.
I didn't upgrade my creamy sausage chicken pasta but I managed to get a 50% off for my meal. I paid $3.00 instead of $6.00 at the end of the day.
To think that Ying Yi's 'my mother drove me here so I didn't bring my student pass' worked.
Maybe as what YY (Ying Yi) said, I do have a kiddish face!
---till later---
On 7 and 8 December 2006, Evangel Family Church presents Casting Crowns, a recent Grammy Award winning group. Casting Crowns, known for their songs with a meaning and strong impact.
The song I would like to introduce today from Casting Crowns is Praise You in The Storm from their latest album, Lifesong. This song in its simplest is to praise God in spite of the dark hours we face.
Praise You in The Storm
I was sure by now
God, You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with You"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
CHORUS
I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with You"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
CHORUS
I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth
(repeat)
CHORUS
Though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
My prayer, is for people who have yet to know God, be acquainted with him,
and more so in their own way.
I bought a new bed. Actually I only chose a new bed and my mum paid for it after much persuasion from her to buy the bed because of the offer. The bed looks decent enough and rather comfortable. It is also going to be brown too.
I cleared a lot of stuff under my bed today, and placed them somewhere else in my room because of my new bed. 3 hours spent on just cleaning and packing and of course the inevitable throwing. Now, I am just waiting to bring my army stuff from camp home to complete the entire packing of my room. It is coming, I know.
Right now, my nose is all clogged up because of the dust and dirt. I know my nose is still attached to my face because it is constantly making funny noises but anymore of it and I think I am going to blow it away.
At least it is better than I swallow!
10 Reasons for NOT missing the army
1. One Really Stupid Man and his retarded ideas. Wait...can you even consider what he says as ideas?
2. Bland and simply not palatable cook house food. No more of such torment!
3. Yellowed pillow and possibly stained mattress
4. Cleaning the four ceiling fans all by myself when I don't even have one directly above my bed.
5. Saying 'Yes, Sir' to people who do not even deserve such respect
6. Putting on a facade every single day or colloquially called 'wayang'
7. Exploiting and squeezing every single ounce of our brain juices for the interest of national service or so the commanders say.
8. Waking up at 6.00am for breakfast only to have to queue up together with a whole bunch of rowdy mono-intake recruits.
9. Icy cold water for every bath I take in camp.
10. Weekend guard duty. Enough said.
----- a lingering thought...
It is coming.
Coming really soon.
Gasp!
It's 5th November
Freedom
in it's absolute sense
10 years old.
That was my first public burst of anger. It came as a rude shock; more so to me. I didn't know that I had so much anger inside me. It took two days of pacifying to make me realise the folly of my actions. It was an awkward moment which many brushed aside and took no heed of.
11 years old.
A string of anger outbursts both in school and at the childcare centre led to a string of unhappiness both in school and in my family. I was frustrated, with what or with who I didn't know. I didn't have the faintest idea nor clue why I was reacting in such a repugnant manner that even I was disgusted at myself. I lost all my childhood friends; lost myself in a world of anger and fury. If hell hath no fury, then I think I was the living hell. I did not understand my actions, neither did my mum nor the counselor. No one did.
12 years old.
I wanted to be kept at a low-profile despite the things that happened. Yet, no one gave me that chance to do so. I lost myself in a whirlpool of hate. I hated a lot of things. A person also. I hated him for walking out on the family to pursue his personal pleasures. I hated him for his presence and lack of. I hated him.
I tormented myself with hate and wrath that my life became a complete mess.
I wanted a voice to hear me. A voice to speak to me without prejudice nor with a facade. I wanted an innocent voice to listen to my cries, to listen to my thoughts, to listen to me. I wanted this voice.
13 years old.
I experimented with things which today I don't even have the faintest idea who I tried it with. It was all in a name of fun to escape from my troubles. It was an extremist way of thought yet appeared inviting. It provided a momentary solution to my problems, an alternative path I would say, but it not eradicate any eventually. I wallowed in more sorrow and self-pity that I lost my shine and myself.
14 years old.
Mrs. Nath. She changed my way of thinking through her ways.
I walked closer with God. I found him in my way.
I learnt to let go, but not completely.
Today.
I am not without flaws nor am I without wrong-doings.
I don't embrace everything that I do whole-heartedly with acceptance and self-approval.
I am not without remorse and regrets.
Yet, I think I have more to give to myself and to the people around me.
Yet, I think I still can make that proverbial difference.